So true, so true.
That's right. Because on this day, we celebrate the durable wisdom of that wrinkled old roll of 18th century toilet paper, the Constitution of Independence – whose flowery words and noble, yet impractical ideas I sometimes yack on about when drawing attention away from my passion for getting rich and killing folks. Indeed, it is a passion so powerful, it has no time for the squirrelly limitations those pansies in tights tried to impose on me back in 1876. In fact, I like to think of my new agenda as the "Constitutional Emancipation Act."