Mina: Patchy-eyed pit bull with a love of nose bops.
Celeste: Blue-eyed mutt with a love of annoying Mina.
Me: Humom to Celeste, minion to Mina.
Chance: Rambunctious Lab/Pit mix with a love of anything that exists and an annoyance factor of 10 (out of 2).
Mina: Minion, it is time for me to pee. Lacking opposable thumbs, I rely on you to assist me in accessing the great outdoors.
Celeste: I HAVE TO PEE TOO!!!! Oppose my thumbs, please!
Me: I have no words for you Celeste, except those which I have just spoken. *approaches the great white door and opens it. *
Me: Sit, please!
Mina: You know what? Next time you need to pee, I’m making you do cartwheels! Let.
Celeste: *sits* COOKIE? Now? Cookie, now? How about a Cookie with a capital C now?
Me: Good! Cookie for you and cookie for you.
Unbeknownst to all three wonderful creatures, a dog by the name of Chance was heading towards the great white door. He heard something about Cookies and went to investigate.
Chance: Hi!!!!!! I AM HERE!!! *enters through great white door*
Mina: OH MY GOD! INTRUDER ALERT. INTRDUER ALERT. CODE PINK! ATTAAACCCK. RAWRRRRR!!!!
A one-sided fight ensues, in which Mina bravely battles the blubbery Chance while Celeste bravely barks encouraging words to Mina. Chance, because he was dropped on his head as a puppy (or because he was never given a brain) believes Mina is playing and runs crazy circles in my apartment living room.
Me: ENOUGH! GET THE HELL OUT. NOW!
Celeste: OH NOES! Please don’t kick me out, I’ll be a Good Dog with a capital G and D, because now I know you can capitalize things like that. I’ll even stop eating napkins and chewing on table legs!!!
Mina: Yeah, get the heck out of here you….THING, you.
Finally, Chance’s errant owner screams something about damn dogs and Chance immediately heads home. Mina enjoyed a frenzied pee session and Celeste clung to my leg out of fear I might abandon her. ‘Twas a fine, fine five minutes. No dogs, regardless of their brain cell load, were harmed.
Previous Mina and Celeste Chronicles
Lightning Bolts of Destruction
Of Loose Dogs and Scratched Trucks
When Good Dogs go Bad
The Book Incident