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The Chronicles of Mina and Celeste

Back by popular demand (i.e. one person telling me they needed more Mina and Celeste Chronicles) here is an excellent TRUE story that played out a couple months ago. An oldy but goody.

The Curious Incident of the Dog Left Alone
The cast:
Mina - The Ruler of All that is Canid and Good.
Celeste - The Ruler of All that is Squeaky and Edible
Me - The Ruler of No One

The Scene: My apartment where I stupidly left four pounds of food unattended whilst I went to work. Four hours later, I arrived to a gruesome scene of torn up ziplock bags strewn haphazardly about.

Me: OH MY GOD, YOU ATE ALL THE FOOD!!!!
Mina: I sure did. You left it lying right there for me to eat. It practically screamed EAT ME MINA! So I did.
Me: But it was FOUR POUNDS of food!
Mina: I am aware of that. You abandon me every day. I never know when I'll get my next morsel of food. My life is constantly on edge - will I eat? will I ever see Marji again? Will Celeste ever stop annoying me? You can see how I might take it upon myself to stock up on food for the next few hours.
Mina: Few hours? Ha! I'm not feeding you for the next four days. FOUR DAYS.
*lets Celeste out of crate *
Celeste: *flings herself at Marji* HUMOTHER OF EPIC PROPORTIONS, MINA ATE ALL THE FOOD IN FRONT OF MY CRATE AND DIDN'T SHARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*
Mina: Share? With you? I would have but, um, none of the food would fit through your crate's holes. And, you never know, the food could have been poisoned. I was just testing it. You know. Just in case.
Celeste: Poisoned?!? Who would ever poison ME?!? I like everyone. Everyone likes me. *in a hushed whisper* Even the dust bunnies like me, and they don't like anyone. But me.
Mina: Anyways. Um, minion? Can you let me out now. I gotta go real bad. *waddles over to the door*
Me: *starts to open the door*
Celeste: FREEDOM - F-R-E-E-D-O-M. I am the Champion of Freedom with a Capital F! Let's go humom and Mina-sisterhood of the pants!!!! *prances out the door*
Mina: *glances nonchalantly at me* Sooo, could you open the door a little more? Just a little more...okay, getting there, all the way open? Excellent. *waddles slowly out the door*
Me: Crap, you're fat, Mina.
Mina: *glares back at me* I am well-padded, as I should be. Global warming could cause catastrophic freezing in this very building. Take note, human. Take note! *waddles down the stairs to pee*

The end.

Previous Mina and Celeste Chronicles

Mina of the woe
When loose dogs annoy
Celeste versus the flirt pole
Hello, I've been murdered by my sister
Oh noes, Dog attack!
This is a true story
The joy of two dogs
When stupid dogs run loose
Lightning Bolts of Destruction
Of Loose Dogs and Scratched Trucks
When Good Dogs go Bad
The Book Incident

Comments

lipsoflove
Aug. 16th, 2008 01:09 am (UTC)
You have great stories!

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