rinalia (rinalia) wrote,

Think Progress Digest on Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin - On The ISSUES!


Palin Hasn’t Given The War In Iraq Much Thought - Huh? There's a war? 
Palin Believes That The Iraq War Is A Task ‘From God.’ - FACT!
Palin Didn’t Have A Passport Until 2007. I got mine when I was sixteen, which was in 1997, so Palin and I are like practically the same (I mean, there's a seven, right?)
Palin Supported The Bridge To Nowhere. Me too! As long it goes Nowhere fast. Ha. I kill myself.
Palin Denies Man-made Global Warming. - Because she believes it is woman made and by woman, she means her. PALIN CAUSES GLOBAL WARMING - headline tomorrow? 
Palin Established Illegal Fly-By Wolf Hunting Bounty - Palin will not let a pesky law-type device get in the way of shooting at wild dogs from airplanes! Polar bears too!
Palin Is Suing To Lift Protected Status For Polar Bears
. - Polar bear ate my baby! That's what Palin is really saying here. She's afraid polar bears will eat her baby. Or her baby's baby. It could happen. It happened in Australia, right? Polar bears ate that baby. FACT!
Palin Dismisses Alternative Energy. - Because it would require "more than 10 years to develop." What? A whole decade? That's longer than she went to school! Kidding, kidding (ha, get it? Except times five for Palin!)
Palin Believes It Is ‘God’s Will’ To Build A Natural Gas Pipeline. -  A-fucking-men! War in Iraq = GOD; Raping of the wilderness = GOD. Palin's God for the win!
Palin Supports Teaching Creationism In Public Schools. FACT: Evolution is a theory like gravity. Therefore, I propose Palin suggest we teach MY theory of gravity - it's God's dust bunnies. Without them, our brains would implode and our lungs would collapse, and we'd float off into the nether regions of the Milky Way.
Palin Is A Member Of Anti-Abortion Group Feminists For Life - Does not compute.
Palin Opposes Abortion Even In Cases Of Rape Or Incest - DOES NOT COMPUTE EVEN MORE!
Palin Slashed Funding To Help Teenage Mothers - That's because they're all a bunch of unwed, teenagers who were never ever taught sex educat....oh wait a sec.
Palin Supports Abstinence-Only Policies - They work really good like! Palin tested the policy out many times and she failed only five. Her daughter tried it once and failed once. Team Palin for the win!
Palin Characterized Ron Paul As ‘Cool.’ - FACT: Palin is creepy.
Palin Believes The Founding Fathers Wrote The Pledge Of Allegiance. - Well, it wasn't good enough for The Founding Fathers since they didn't write it. And were really dead when it was written. Even more dead when "under God" was added. I mean you couldn't get more dead than them if you tried. Okay, you could. But it'd be hard.
Palin Supports Denying Benefits To Same-Sex Couples - FACT: Benefits to same-sex couples will cause world destruction. Think about it.

I really don't like her. This means I shouldn't talk about her anymore. Except to mock her. Even that will irk me, though. *sigh* What's a poor pit bull loving, muttskie hugging girl to do?!?!?

Tags: election 2008

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