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What about my friends and me whose lives basically suck, what's the bailout mean for me?
McCain: It isn't a "bailout" it's a "rescue". Like Rescue 911 but without the cool reenactments.

Is our economy going to get worse before it gets better?
Obama: Oh no, it's going to be fine and dandy. Go middle class!
McCain: Oh no, it's going to be fine and dandy. Americans rule!

What are our priorities: Health Care, Energy, Social Security/Medicare
McCain: You can work on all three at once. MAGIC.
Obama: #1 Energy today. I mean, ten years from now. Which is like today. #2 Health Care. #3 Education. Sorry old people and future old people, you don't even make the top three. Or four. Maybe top ten.

Obama: Medical analogy -> Hatchet (like during the civil war) versus scalpel (like during Grey's Anatomy). You decide.

McCain: I'm going to actually answer a question! Remember the good 'ol days of Reagan? Me take you there! Then I'm not actually going to answer your question. LOOK INTO MY EYES.

What about the environment?
McCain: I can fix the environment with nuclear power. You know what Obama says? It should be safe or clean or other nonsense. That's crazy. Nuclear power is naturally clean. That's why Chernobyl is such a tourist trap. Fact.

On healthcare: I am interjecting my opinion. I am tired of the claim that the government has no fiscal responsibility to its citizens. If the government is here to serve us, then providing health care is a right, and it is the government's responsibility to ensure every citizen in this country has affordable or free health care. Period. Okay, thank you Obama for saying it is a right.

McCain: We have to be careful about sending our most precious asset - our young people's blood - into the danger zone. HIGHWAY TO THE DANGER ZONE, KENNY LOGGINS IS GOD!
(McCain, against blood donation. Fact).

McCain: I will not telegraph my actions (except when I'm joking about Iran and not joking about Baghdad). I will, however, telepathafy my message. Think about it.

McCain: Iran is such a trend-setter! League of Democracies = US. BRITAIN. NOT SPAIN OR LATIN AMERICA!

What don't you know; how will you learn?
McCain: In the future, we may be talking about countries we don't even know where they are on the map. Like Spain. I plan on investing in a globe or a map or an adviser who knows a lot about central and south america.

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