First few lines of first post of each month of this year. I tend to take liberty with "first" post.
January 2009: Recipe of my grandmas, veganized
February 2009: I predict Madeline will win MVP.
March 2009: I've been saying this for years: Most dogs don't bite and when they do it's generally not severe.
April 2009: I filled out a survey about pet loss. The "pet" was supposed to have died in the past year. I fudged it a lot - because my last pet died seven years ago, but I can conjure up those feelings in a nanosecond.
May 2009: Someone on my friend list posted this video of a cockatoo dancing to the Backstreet Boys.
June 2009: Now featuring my "best/worst book of the month!" I'm sure you're excited.
July 2009: #1 Adult men/male teenagers riding bikes meant for 5th graders
August 2009: Saturday I hung out with polyphonicvegan and her beau (b/c I've always wanted to write that seriously). We watched The Wizard of Gore, which is an epically awesome film about Montag the Munificent (or Magnificent) and his crazy, gory, seriously awesome magic "tricks".
September 2009: I am feeling blergh. And it is 7 pm and 99 F. HOTNESS.
October 2009: Chicago failing to cinch the summer 2016 Olympics sent the entire freaking universe into a state of shock. Industry stopped, stock markets collapsed, the earth's crust shifted ten feet to the right. It was, in fact, the most shocking thing to happen since hammer pants became the ultimate in chic.
November 2009: This is breaking news, people.
December 2009: I am relatively certain it is your dream come true to have these two darling calves IN YOUR HOME