Damn you, SCOTUS, damn you!! Not all of you, just the ones who think corporate personhood is totally awesome-johnson. Which rhymes in my head, not yours.
Everybody likes Michelle Obama. Fact! Apparently even more than the President!
Yeah, Washington - why haven't you fixed all our problems? You've got a freaking space needle, right?
Obligatory standing ovation!
If you all hated the bank bailout, why did you do it? Can we renege? GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!
Oh, I guess we recovered most of the money we spent on banks. Could have fooled me.
STANDING OVATION! I should clarify - standing ovation from el democratos. The republicans are trying very hard not to applaud.
It's true, they cut taxes. I received a tax cut in 2009. It was great. Oh, Obama, you crazy man, thinking the Republicans would applaud you for cutting taxes!
It's all about jobs, jobs, jobs. STANDING OVATION FROM EVERYONE!
$30 billion from the banks to small businesses. REPUBLICANS ARE UNMOVED! Eliminate capital gains taxes. REPUBLICANS STILL UNMOVED!!
Holy crap, Florida's going to get a high speed train system before California? FAIL! REPUBLICANS HAVE TURNED INTO STONE!
Tax breaks to American companies! REPUBLICANS ARE ACTUALLY SPARKLEPIRES!
Damn you, China!! Damn you, Germany! NO SECOND PLACE FOR U.S.A.!
Get it right the first time, yo! REPUBLICANS HAVE TURNED INTO INANIMATE CORPSES WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE CORPSES SHOULD NOT BE ANIMATED!
HOLY SHIT EVERYONE LOVES NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS! HOLY SHIT EVEN MORE, MORE OFFSHORE DRILLING!
Republicans do not like to be accused of not believing the OVERWHELMING scientific evidence pointing to climate change.
Obama: We need to export more of our goods. ME: EXPORT REPUBLICAN SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES!
Panama is one of our key partners?
Math and science are great, but for cripes sakes, the arts and "soft" sciences are super important too. Not all of us want to be nuclear physicists drilling oil offshore!
DEAR GOD, GIVE ME MY FREAKING HEALTH CARE! GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!!!!!!! STANDING OVATION!
The President may be unable to get a standing ovation from the Republicans, but Michelle Obama tackling childhood obesity gets a standing ovation from EVERYONE, EVEN GOD/DESS!!!
The State of the Union address must be the one group aerobic exercise for Democrats. Up - standing ovation! Down - applause. Up - standing ovation. Down - applause. Rinse and repeat!
RELUCTANT REPUBLICAN OVATION!
No spending for three years? Are you for reals?
THE BUCK STOPS HERE. REPUBLICANS HAVE BEEN REVIVED, THEY'RE ALIVE, ALIIIIIIVVVEEEE!
We face a deficit of trust - Obama. FACT!
TAKE THAT, SCOTUS! OBAMA TOOK YOU DOWN. DOWN TO AUSTRALIA! AND BACK!
Yeah, Democrats! Stop running to the hills.
And Republicans, stop being self-serving assholes. YEAH.
MICHELLE OBAMA SUPPORTS MILITARY FAMILIES - STANDING OVATION FROM THE UNIVERSE!
REPUBLICANS OPPOSE GAY PEOPLE! Obama damn well better repeal the don't ask, don't tell policy. It's a dumb policy, that one.
REPUBLICANS OPPOSE EQUAL PAY FOR WOMEN! Well, shit Republicans, I still get paid 0.77 to every dollar a man gets paid for doing the SAME FREAKING JOB. Silly heads.
AND GOD BLESS LITTLE TIMMY TOO!